Wellness Wednesday: Self-Compassion for the Agility Trainer, Handler and Competitor

How to "STOPP" self-doubt and learn from your mistakes.

When I talk to people about self-care, I usually mention that self-compassion can be the most important step of self-care. The goal of self-care is to de-stress, set ourselves up for success and make the most of opportunities to be our best selves. It does not need to cost money, and it doesn’t need to take extra time. It is the small things like getting enough sleep, keeping social contacts, being prepared for a trial or packing healthy snacks the night before. Taking time to do the things that let you excel (or sometimes survive) on your chosen path. Self-compassion takes self-care just a little further. 

Relatively recently, I ran into the term self-compassion and wondered exactly how it worked. The term got tossed out in a professional development event I was attending, and I thought, “Huh? What is this?” and, “How is it different from self-care?” and then, “How can it apply to my dog training world?” We had a rich conversation in the session, but I was left with questions — hello, lifelong learner! So, I did some reading and thinking — and wow! this concept is so central to our own sense of wellness in our chosen sport!

What Is Self-Compassion?

According to Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion is made up of the following three things: mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness. A perfect triad, you might say!

The thing I have found most notable around this concept is that it encourages acceptance of flaws, limitations and the core of humanity that we all are comprised of. No matter if some one is starting their training journey with their first dog or a fifth dog, brand new or multiple-sport champion, mistakes will happen. Training sessions will occasionally nose dive in directions that leave you stumped and contemplative. Trial runs might leave you frustrated and upset. And, you know what? That’s OK. And it is SO VERY human of you. And me. Because, truth be told, we all have bad days and not-perfect runs, and we feel emotions that might surprise us on occasion. 

What do we do when we make an error? If we aren’t working on self-compassion, mindfulness, and the whole picture, we are likely either throwing blame around, getting defensive or beating ourselves up. Sigh. Not super constructive, nor likely to leave us feeling like the error was an opportunity to learn and improve ourselves. 

How can we break our habitual pattern though? What can we do to set ourselves up to benefit from a challenge that leaves us wondering where we went wrong — or make the most of a time we actually did go wrong? (For example, the time I went off course when I KNEW the course inside out and backwards! Sigh.)

Just STOPP

One easily implementable strategy to help you find some self-compassion is to stop. Yes. Just Stop. 

When you feel that frustration build, think “STOPP,” and give yourself a little time and space to process the events that have left you emotionally fragile or distressed.

• S – Stop and step away. Or simply sit down and regroup.
• T – Take a breath. In fact, run through three cycles of your favorite breathing pattern, count, box, whatever works for you! Or experiment with “good air in, bad air out” breathing for a few repetitions. Getting air moving around your body will make you feel better, both physically and mentally. 
• O – Observe. What are you feeling? Where is it sitting? Process your feelings and their impacts. Is your emotional brain taking over your thinking? Is your mind racing or shut down? Are tears prickling at your eyes? Perhaps you feel nauseated or sweaty. These are just a few of the ways your body and mind might react to the event. 
• P – Perspective. What would a friend say to you in this moment? What would you tell a friend feeling this way? Perhaps use Andrea’s rule of five here: how might your feelings change in five hours? Five days? Five weeks? Five months? Five years? 
• P – Practice using tools that work for you and those affected in this moment (your dogs!). Is a cookie scatter a good idea? Take a break and play? Sit and do a little more breathing? Journal? Talk to someone you trust? You know yourself and your canine partner best. You will need to test some different strategies to figure out what will work for you both, but have confidence that you will find a solution.

Each time you hit the STOPP button it will get easier and easier too — it’s “practice makes perfect” (or a heck of a lot better anyhow) at work (nice side perk of actually doing it, eh?).

Psychologists have determined that self-compassion is a useful tool for enhancing and improving performance in all kinds of different ways — aging well, competition and more. It’s starting to look like self-compassion might matter more than self-confidence. So, if you are prone to self-doubt and wondering if indeed you can remember this notion of self-compassion, try using STOPP — and see how turning your thinking on its head works for your worry. 

Self-compassion. Give it a try!

Andrea Harrison is the people trainer on the Fenzi Dog Sports Academy team, working with dog sports teams to help handlers train themselves for better performance. She teaches classes on unleashing your personal potential, mental management, planning, goal setting, and more. Her class "Handle This: Make the Most of Goals, Planning and Learning" starts Feb. 1, 2020, at FDSA. 

Fenzi Dog Sports Academy is an online school dedicated to providing high-quality instruction for competitive dog sports using only the most current and progressive training methods.